Decade of Limbo

by Josh Aroesti

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about

Ridiculously- I've finished my third album! This one has taken under 6 months, which is even more ridiculous. I'm convinced it is the best album I've done so far- the productions better, the music is better, and it just sounds more like how I always wanted my music to sound. It was- like the other two- recorded and produced on Garageband on my phone- with vocals, guitars and piano being recording in real life by me, and the others done with my fingers, on my phone screen. All the songs are written by me. This album ranges from Simon and Garfunkel style acoustic tracks to loud, groovy, QOTSA esque rock with everything in between- thank you so so so much for listening, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed making it- As much as I make music for myself, I don't know if I still would be if people weren't as lovely as they are.

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released 06 June 2015

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about

Josh Aroesti London, UK

My name is Josh and I make music as best I can- I've self taught myself to play guitar, piano, ukelele, drums, and bass. I hope you love my music as much as I love you for even bothering to read this

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Track Name: Anabolic Superstar
You have a boyfriend I see
You say you beat a beauty-queen
And you needed that boost
Still running on that Comicon confidence
And now I see you as you are
Like this anabolic superstar
Few others are on a par

But you hide yourself most everywhere
Hence blackened eyes and curly hair
So now when people outside stare
They think it looks like you don't care

But when you tell me that you think people don't like you when you meet
Cracks begin to form
The facade starts to look worn
I can see the girl you were before
But now you're her and so much more

You have confidence I see
And you say you feign reality
'Cause you need that boost
Bought on from that Comicon confidence
Usually us boys, we are gross
The worst kind did what you needed most
And those ogres they declares a toast

Bought on by your female form
The likes they'd never seen before
You were worshiped and exalted in
Like some gothic fairy queen

But you considered changing what you saw
What would you even do that for?
Your ringlets fall around you
As will I if you ever need me to
Regarding that selfconcious underbelly
I think you're wonderful already

Your outlined illustrated eyes, they hover in my head
And I remember you looked down and said
"Sometimes you just have to surpress anxious and unconfident"
And I knew exactly what you meant
I felt exactly what you meant
And now you occupy my mind
The way you look and the words you find

I could talk for hours
When it snows or when it showers
I'm excited to look back and say I knew you from today
The way you look and the words you say
I wouldn't want you any other way
I wouldn't want you any other way
Any other way
Track Name: Clubbing Complaints
Gotta stop falling in love
The third fourth time was enough
I don't wanna worry about overstepping marks anymore

So I'll just leave it there
Three-quarter double-beds measwell not be there if not shared
But I'm so tired of flirting
And the things men do are so dirty

They make me feel unwell to the core
And if I were to act like them
Then I don't think I would want to show my face around here agin

Oh it seems customary for girls to show flesh
And boys to make a mess of whatever they think that masculinity is
Oh look yourself in the mirror
Try to work out how you ended up a pervert going for girls who say no

I'm so tired of flirting
The things men do are so dirty
And it makes me feel unwell

Oh it seems customary for girls to show flesh
And boys to make a mess of whatever they think that masculinity is
Oh look yourself in the mirror
Try to work out how you ended up a pervert going for girls who say no
Track Name: Frances
At some point we grow up
We grow our hair so we won't be embarrassed to look back
And we spend so long with each strand dyed
The only way back is redoing it our natural colours
Or the closest thing that the packet offers

At some point we grow up
In age it's true, but in our heads we're still just teenagers
Struggling for air in a sea as frantic as bad simile
The ones you learnt around Year 3
And no-one knows what's going on inside
Remember that next time

At some point we grow up
we grow to realise that no-one really ever does
And we struggle for a decade still looking for a hand to hold like you
And that hand won't come
But that doesn't matter
Eveyerbody's lost it's true
But everyone's lost together

At some point we grow up
You abound ablaze a black and white indie film
And the lives we live in heads of friends and strangers
They're your world too
To be a trampoleening child they see
A walking dress-sense
Or someone's Amelie

At some point we grow up
And feeling since we're past whatever age we can't achieve our soundtrack dreams
Laid out by films you thought had stolen your essence
The ones that meant you didn't need to become a director
Because someone had written yourself better than you ever could
Than you ever could
Than you ever could
Than you ever could
Than you ever could
Track Name: Jumble
Gather in the corners of the woody green tapestry of England
And write a trainline letter to say I couldn't think it better
Thank you for being so complex

Berkshire in to Oxfordshire
Half an hour to get to her
Even Didcot shimmers in the sun
And I love everyone
You'd just pulled in from Epsom, Manchester, Bournemouth, Kent and London

Sitting in the garden
Fancy dress beneath the sun
Bruce Springsteen told me we can make it if we run
But it's 2015
It's hard at university
And though I am in love with you none of our budgets are permitting

For once the weather's pretty
It's pathetic falacy
And there is nowhere else I'd rather be
Than all jumbled up
Come on, lets make this country stretch
But holiday, big house, lifetime in the mix

I'm caressed by the brickwork
I swear that this village can talk
It's seen so much and now it has seen us

Sitting in the garden
Fancy dress beneath the sun
Bruce Springsteen told me we can make it if we run
But it's 2015
It's hard at university
And though I am in love with you none of our budgets are permitting

Sitting in the garden
Fancy dress beneath the sun
Bruce Springsteen told me we can make it if we run
But it's 2015
It's hard at university
And though I am in love with you none of our budgets are permitting
But I'm commited
Track Name: Covered
Open up the curtains
Open up a window
Smokers down below, they don't know what we have

Open up your eyes
I should open mine
I stayed asleep for far too long the last time
I never knew what I have
Now I do

I'm covered in scratches
Hopefully this time they will not fade
But I'm so worried the ghost spat the truth and I can't chance
'Cause I love you today
I just hope that I'm okay
And that I do not fuck it up again

I'm not sure how you cope
'Cause you've been used to coping far too long
Smokers down below, they don't know what coping really is

I'm glad that I got you
And I'm glad you got through
I never knew what I had
Now I do

I'm covered in scratches
Hopefully this time they will not fade
But I'm so worried the ghost spat the truth and I can't chance
'Cause I love you today
I just hope that I'm okay
And that I do not fuck it up again

It's smokers again
Ex-boyfriends extend nights out towards my ends
And cigarette breath is almost worse than nothing
But it's not worth noting that the only space smoking fills is your lungs
And time you could be out there dancing

I'm covered in scratches
Hopefully this time they will not fade
But I'm so worried the ghost spat the truth and I can't chance
'Cause I love you today
I just hope that I'm okay
And that I do not fuck it up again
Track Name: Come Home
I know you've been crying
And when Cat Stevens is not answering
Tears must soundtrack themselves

Going out is not permenant
Cigarettes make you smell different
The only space smoking fills is your lungs

And nothing's turned out as you planned
And you left until you were sure it had

But disappointment vibes too loud
It's been gnawing on your eardrums for years now
Maybe that's where all the weight has gone
Maybe you've been waiting far too long to come home now
Come home
Come home

I know you've been smiling
Unless Facebook's lying
You put on a pretty good show
Well why would you want to worry those who love you?
I miss the sound of your laugh

Well nothing's turned out as you'd planned
And you'd left it until you were sure it had

But disappointment vibes too loud
It's been gnawing on your eardrums for years now
Maybe that's where all the weight has gone
Maybe you've been waiting far too long to come home now
Come home
Come home
Track Name: For Love Nor London
For love nor London will I stray
For love nor Waterloo would I pray to be anywhere else

The man opposite says something-or-rather
He's readng The Standard to his elderly mother
When he was younger I guess he was me
And when she was younger she was younger than he is now

For love nor London will I stray
For love nor Liverpool Street will I make my way anywhere but home

His mother remembers him without that beard
Or the mass of bald scalp that abruptly appeared when he was in his late 20s
But I'm just speculating
In her head he's in his babygrow
In her eyes he didn't even grow
Where did her baby go?

For love nor London will I stray
For love nor Primrose Hill for a day would I ever give up this home

Love love nor London will I stray
For love nor Notting Hill in the rain could I disregard the city

Everyone here's the same
Crammed in to carriages on a Central Line train
We've come from the same place
We'll grow up and go to the same place
London
Track Name: Always Adjacent
I'd like to start by saying something you had said to me
But it must have been three years since you said anything that's worth repeating
Or since we spoke at all
So the memory bank is low not full
But I've known you all my life
I was that boy, a baby, toddler, young adult
Last time we met I was at fault
A babbling body of water
You looked for your reflection and I lost my head and coordination

And all of a sudden I'm early 2000s again
Drawing rocket ships in felt-tip pen
Watching stick insects in your room then
And then

How did we end up parallel?
How did we get so similar?
Following the same life we will always be adjacent

How did we end up parallel?
How did we get so similar?
Following the same life we will always be adjacent

Sometimes I see pictures of you smiling
And I'm finding I'm supposed to know you oh so well
I wouldn't even know your smell
Just the carpets in your house circa 1999
Or how your staircase creaked behind me
And extensions on conservatories
Perhaps you were a best friend or a sister I now miss
And don't quite know what I am missing
And that's why I now hurt profusely
When I see that you don't remember me beyond the years worth remembering

And all of a sudden I'm early 2000s again
Drawing rocket ships in felt-tip pen
Watching stick insects in your room then
And then

How did we end up parallel?
How did we get so similar?
Following the same life we will always be adjacent

How did we end up parallel?
How did we get so similar?
Following the same life we will always be adjacent

And now I wonder if your small teeth ever get set on edge
With a reminded I don't know you anymore
I remember vividly thinking as you spoke to me
The laugh that I was embraced in was the hardest I will ever laugh

Now unimportant memories pass
But I've clung on to this somehow
It's almost like I'm not allowed
It's been about eight years so far
The drawings sat on paper though
In restraunts a decade ago

And all of a sudden I'm early 2000s again
Drawing rocket ships in felt-tip pen
Watching stick insects in your room then
And then

How did we end up parallel?
How did we get so similar?
Following the same life we will always be adjacent

How did we end up parallel?
How did we get so similar?
Following the same life we will always be adjacent
We will always be adjacent

But despite that
I don't know you anymore
Track Name: Ghost
This ghost of Christmas past came to me
Inhabiting the body of a friend I used to know
He showed me what I knew I'd already done
He showed me things I wasn't meant to see

We love despite it
We love despite it

The ghost drives its vehicle through hedges and brick walls
That used to grow flowers
Now don't exist at all
He told me who I know I already am
He told me where to go

We love despite it
We love despite it

But then he didn't let go when I said
And I would rather severe my arm than have him on the end
Then down you continued to sink
Gagging for breath
It was murkier than I dare admit

It was murkier than I dare admit
It was murkier than I dare admit
It was murkier than I dare admit
Track Name: Snow
I knew I'd be the only one walking home tonight
It snows for him, with me the cold just doesn't bite
Yeah maybe he should stay the night
But I thought it might be me
But that's just the way it always is
The way it is for me
Because this time it might be different

I'll run home with Submarine playing in my ears
In the road and the snow around my toes
This is not an indie film
This is not a facade
It's just the way I feel tonight
Running down a white Green Road at 5AM

This double bed with just myself at the end
Maybe this time I'll bother to shower
Maybe I'll give it a couple more hours
And buy breakfast and wonder why
I am so ridiculous

You guys are wrapped up tight
You're fast asleep to end the night
I'm back out on snowy pavement
I can't sleep for the thought of what you meant
Yeah 2 x 2 is just two pairs
It doesn't fit in to 5 if we don't share
People stare as I leave
You're still a smiling bright eyed queen
I think I just need a hug to get me on the mend
Anything to stop me becoming puddles in the rain soaked snow

A double bed with just myself at the end
Maybe this time I'll bother to shower
Maybe I'll give it a couple more hours
And buy breakfast and wonder why
I am so ridiculous

I got ahead of myself again
Tripped over my legs and then
Floated on a snow sea right back home
I wanted to be sailing out to where you go
What do I know?
What do I know?
What do I know?
What do I know?
Track Name: Transgressions
If your attitude is representative
Then does it matter if we continue to live?
Don't suggest a savior
No-one died for my transgressions
No-one died for my sins
No-one died for me
Apart from my family

If you claim you're the one that I am to believe
Then why insist on driving all these different holes through me?
Don't suggest forgiveness

Yeah if it's me you want upon your side
Then tell me why it's causing those on other sides to die
Don't suggest neglegence
Or lack of repentance
No-one died for my transgressions
No-one died for my sins
No-one died for me
Apart from my family
Apart from my family

I can't allow you to martyr me
Grant past enemies a posthumous victory
Stop trying to deny what I chose to believe
People have been killed so I can be who I can be

Yeah even if I don't believe in the stories
The things people of wisdom have told me
I can't count the millions who have died being who I'm free to be
Don't want them to have died for nothing
Track Name: Namesake
You've become the same as your namesake- a state
Your eyes haven't changed at all
And they look on from classroom walls
With drawings you probably don't remember anymore
In backrooms on whiteboards
They knew you when you were doing fine

Do they know you anymore?
Do your muscles remember them?
Do you remember me?

If I knew what I know now- that death comes
In more ways than age and disease
Would I have seen the syth behind you in primary school classrooms?
He's just like the rest of us
He doesn't always get what he wants

Do they know you anymore?
Do your muscles remember them?
Do you remember me?

Do you know yourself anymore?
Do your lungs still operate?
Are you still coming back home late?
Fresh and born again
Unwhillingly bought back to life

Isn't the world a scary place
Trapped between the ocean and the tears running down your face
It can take your freedom
It can take your family
It can take your life
But it cannot take your history

You've become the same as your namesake- a state