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Decade of Limbo

by Josh Aroesti

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1.
You have a boyfriend I see You say you beat a beauty-queen And you needed that boost Still running on that Comicon confidence And now I see you as you are Like this anabolic superstar Few others are on a par But you hide yourself most everywhere Hence blackened eyes and curly hair So now when people outside stare They think it looks like you don't care But when you tell me that you think people don't like you when you meet Cracks begin to form The facade starts to look worn I can see the girl you were before But now you're her and so much more You have confidence I see And you say you feign reality 'Cause you need that boost Bought on from that Comicon confidence Usually us boys, we are gross The worst kind did what you needed most And those ogres they declares a toast Bought on by your female form The likes they'd never seen before You were worshiped and exalted in Like some gothic fairy queen But you considered changing what you saw What would you even do that for? Your ringlets fall around you As will I if you ever need me to Regarding that selfconcious underbelly I think you're wonderful already Your outlined illustrated eyes, they hover in my head And I remember you looked down and said "Sometimes you just have to surpress anxious and unconfident" And I knew exactly what you meant I felt exactly what you meant And now you occupy my mind The way you look and the words you find I could talk for hours When it snows or when it showers I'm excited to look back and say I knew you from today The way you look and the words you say I wouldn't want you any other way I wouldn't want you any other way Any other way
2.
Gotta stop falling in love The third fourth time was enough I don't wanna worry about overstepping marks anymore So I'll just leave it there Three-quarter double-beds measwell not be there if not shared But I'm so tired of flirting And the things men do are so dirty They make me feel unwell to the core And if I were to act like them Then I don't think I would want to show my face around here agin Oh it seems customary for girls to show flesh And boys to make a mess of whatever they think that masculinity is Oh look yourself in the mirror Try to work out how you ended up a pervert going for girls who say no I'm so tired of flirting The things men do are so dirty And it makes me feel unwell Oh it seems customary for girls to show flesh And boys to make a mess of whatever they think that masculinity is Oh look yourself in the mirror Try to work out how you ended up a pervert going for girls who say no
3.
4.
Frances 03:39
At some point we grow up We grow our hair so we won't be embarrassed to look back And we spend so long with each strand dyed The only way back is redoing it our natural colours Or the closest thing that the packet offers At some point we grow up In age it's true, but in our heads we're still just teenagers Struggling for air in a sea as frantic as bad simile The ones you learnt around Year 3 And no-one knows what's going on inside Remember that next time At some point we grow up we grow to realise that no-one really ever does And we struggle for a decade still looking for a hand to hold like you And that hand won't come But that doesn't matter Eveyerbody's lost it's true But everyone's lost together At some point we grow up You abound ablaze a black and white indie film And the lives we live in heads of friends and strangers They're your world too To be a trampoleening child they see A walking dress-sense Or someone's Amelie At some point we grow up And feeling since we're past whatever age we can't achieve our soundtrack dreams Laid out by films you thought had stolen your essence The ones that meant you didn't need to become a director Because someone had written yourself better than you ever could Than you ever could Than you ever could Than you ever could Than you ever could
5.
Jumble 03:38
Gather in the corners of the woody green tapestry of England And write a trainline letter to say I couldn't think it better Thank you for being so complex Berkshire in to Oxfordshire Half an hour to get to her Even Didcot shimmers in the sun And I love everyone You'd just pulled in from Epsom, Manchester, Bournemouth, Kent and London Sitting in the garden Fancy dress beneath the sun Bruce Springsteen told me we can make it if we run But it's 2015 It's hard at university And though I am in love with you none of our budgets are permitting For once the weather's pretty It's pathetic falacy And there is nowhere else I'd rather be Than all jumbled up Come on, lets make this country stretch But holiday, big house, lifetime in the mix I'm caressed by the brickwork I swear that this village can talk It's seen so much and now it has seen us Sitting in the garden Fancy dress beneath the sun Bruce Springsteen told me we can make it if we run But it's 2015 It's hard at university And though I am in love with you none of our budgets are permitting Sitting in the garden Fancy dress beneath the sun Bruce Springsteen told me we can make it if we run But it's 2015 It's hard at university And though I am in love with you none of our budgets are permitting But I'm commited
6.
Covered 05:25
Open up the curtains Open up a window Smokers down below, they don't know what we have Open up your eyes I should open mine I stayed asleep for far too long the last time I never knew what I have Now I do I'm covered in scratches Hopefully this time they will not fade But I'm so worried the ghost spat the truth and I can't chance 'Cause I love you today I just hope that I'm okay And that I do not fuck it up again I'm not sure how you cope 'Cause you've been used to coping far too long Smokers down below, they don't know what coping really is I'm glad that I got you And I'm glad you got through I never knew what I had Now I do I'm covered in scratches Hopefully this time they will not fade But I'm so worried the ghost spat the truth and I can't chance 'Cause I love you today I just hope that I'm okay And that I do not fuck it up again It's smokers again Ex-boyfriends extend nights out towards my ends And cigarette breath is almost worse than nothing But it's not worth noting that the only space smoking fills is your lungs And time you could be out there dancing I'm covered in scratches Hopefully this time they will not fade But I'm so worried the ghost spat the truth and I can't chance 'Cause I love you today I just hope that I'm okay And that I do not fuck it up again
7.
Come Home 03:40
I know you've been crying And when Cat Stevens is not answering Tears must soundtrack themselves Going out is not permenant Cigarettes make you smell different The only space smoking fills is your lungs And nothing's turned out as you planned And you left until you were sure it had But disappointment vibes too loud It's been gnawing on your eardrums for years now Maybe that's where all the weight has gone Maybe you've been waiting far too long to come home now Come home Come home I know you've been smiling Unless Facebook's lying You put on a pretty good show Well why would you want to worry those who love you? I miss the sound of your laugh Well nothing's turned out as you'd planned And you'd left it until you were sure it had But disappointment vibes too loud It's been gnawing on your eardrums for years now Maybe that's where all the weight has gone Maybe you've been waiting far too long to come home now Come home Come home
8.
For love nor London will I stray For love nor Waterloo would I pray to be anywhere else The man opposite says something-or-rather He's readng The Standard to his elderly mother When he was younger I guess he was me And when she was younger she was younger than he is now For love nor London will I stray For love nor Liverpool Street will I make my way anywhere but home His mother remembers him without that beard Or the mass of bald scalp that abruptly appeared when he was in his late 20s But I'm just speculating In her head he's in his babygrow In her eyes he didn't even grow Where did her baby go? For love nor London will I stray For love nor Primrose Hill for a day would I ever give up this home Love love nor London will I stray For love nor Notting Hill in the rain could I disregard the city Everyone here's the same Crammed in to carriages on a Central Line train We've come from the same place We'll grow up and go to the same place London
9.
I'd like to start by saying something you had said to me But it must have been three years since you said anything that's worth repeating Or since we spoke at all So the memory bank is low not full But I've known you all my life I was that boy, a baby, toddler, young adult Last time we met I was at fault A babbling body of water You looked for your reflection and I lost my head and coordination And all of a sudden I'm early 2000s again Drawing rocket ships in felt-tip pen Watching stick insects in your room then And then How did we end up parallel? How did we get so similar? Following the same life we will always be adjacent How did we end up parallel? How did we get so similar? Following the same life we will always be adjacent Sometimes I see pictures of you smiling And I'm finding I'm supposed to know you oh so well I wouldn't even know your smell Just the carpets in your house circa 1999 Or how your staircase creaked behind me And extensions on conservatories Perhaps you were a best friend or a sister I now miss And don't quite know what I am missing And that's why I now hurt profusely When I see that you don't remember me beyond the years worth remembering And all of a sudden I'm early 2000s again Drawing rocket ships in felt-tip pen Watching stick insects in your room then And then How did we end up parallel? How did we get so similar? Following the same life we will always be adjacent How did we end up parallel? How did we get so similar? Following the same life we will always be adjacent And now I wonder if your small teeth ever get set on edge With a reminded I don't know you anymore I remember vividly thinking as you spoke to me The laugh that I was embraced in was the hardest I will ever laugh Now unimportant memories pass But I've clung on to this somehow It's almost like I'm not allowed It's been about eight years so far The drawings sat on paper though In restraunts a decade ago And all of a sudden I'm early 2000s again Drawing rocket ships in felt-tip pen Watching stick insects in your room then And then How did we end up parallel? How did we get so similar? Following the same life we will always be adjacent How did we end up parallel? How did we get so similar? Following the same life we will always be adjacent We will always be adjacent But despite that I don't know you anymore
10.
Ghost 04:03
This ghost of Christmas past came to me Inhabiting the body of a friend I used to know He showed me what I knew I'd already done He showed me things I wasn't meant to see We love despite it We love despite it The ghost drives its vehicle through hedges and brick walls That used to grow flowers Now don't exist at all He told me who I know I already am He told me where to go We love despite it We love despite it But then he didn't let go when I said And I would rather severe my arm than have him on the end Then down you continued to sink Gagging for breath It was murkier than I dare admit It was murkier than I dare admit It was murkier than I dare admit It was murkier than I dare admit
11.
Snow 03:50
I knew I'd be the only one walking home tonight It snows for him, with me the cold just doesn't bite Yeah maybe he should stay the night But I thought it might be me But that's just the way it always is The way it is for me Because this time it might be different I'll run home with Submarine playing in my ears In the road and the snow around my toes This is not an indie film This is not a facade It's just the way I feel tonight Running down a white Green Road at 5AM This double bed with just myself at the end Maybe this time I'll bother to shower Maybe I'll give it a couple more hours And buy breakfast and wonder why I am so ridiculous You guys are wrapped up tight You're fast asleep to end the night I'm back out on snowy pavement I can't sleep for the thought of what you meant Yeah 2 x 2 is just two pairs It doesn't fit in to 5 if we don't share People stare as I leave You're still a smiling bright eyed queen I think I just need a hug to get me on the mend Anything to stop me becoming puddles in the rain soaked snow A double bed with just myself at the end Maybe this time I'll bother to shower Maybe I'll give it a couple more hours And buy breakfast and wonder why I am so ridiculous I got ahead of myself again Tripped over my legs and then Floated on a snow sea right back home I wanted to be sailing out to where you go What do I know? What do I know? What do I know? What do I know?
12.
If your attitude is representative Then does it matter if we continue to live? Don't suggest a savior No-one died for my transgressions No-one died for my sins No-one died for me Apart from my family If you claim you're the one that I am to believe Then why insist on driving all these different holes through me? Don't suggest forgiveness Yeah if it's me you want upon your side Then tell me why it's causing those on other sides to die Don't suggest neglegence Or lack of repentance No-one died for my transgressions No-one died for my sins No-one died for me Apart from my family Apart from my family I can't allow you to martyr me Grant past enemies a posthumous victory Stop trying to deny what I chose to believe People have been killed so I can be who I can be Yeah even if I don't believe in the stories The things people of wisdom have told me I can't count the millions who have died being who I'm free to be Don't want them to have died for nothing
13.
Namesake 03:35
You've become the same as your namesake- a state Your eyes haven't changed at all And they look on from classroom walls With drawings you probably don't remember anymore In backrooms on whiteboards They knew you when you were doing fine Do they know you anymore? Do your muscles remember them? Do you remember me? If I knew what I know now- that death comes In more ways than age and disease Would I have seen the syth behind you in primary school classrooms? He's just like the rest of us He doesn't always get what he wants Do you know him anymore? Do your muscles remember him? Do you remember me? Do you know yourself anymore? Do your lungs still operate? Are you still coming back home late? Fresh and born again Unwhillingly bought back to life Isn't the world a scary place Trapped between the ocean and the tears running down your face It can take your freedom It can take your family It can take your life But it cannot take your history You've become the same as your namesake- a state

about

Ridiculously- I've finished my third album! This one has taken under 6 months, which is even more ridiculous. I'm convinced it is the best album I've done so far- the productions better, the music is better, and it just sounds more like how I always wanted my music to sound. It was- like the other two- recorded and produced on Garageband on my phone- with vocals, guitars and piano being recording in real life by me, and the others done with my fingers, on my phone screen. All the songs are written by me. This album ranges from Simon and Garfunkel style acoustic tracks to loud, groovy, QOTSA esque rock with everything in between- thank you so so so much for listening, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed making it- As much as I make music for myself, I don't know if I still would be if people weren't as lovely as they are.

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released June 6, 2015

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Josh Aroesti London, UK

I hope you enjoy my music half as much as I love you for even bothering to read this

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